Conflict, betrayal, self-deception, peace …
June 18, 2010
Posted by on
Yes – it does sound like a soapie but I am actually referring to two books I have just finished reading: The Anatomy of Peace and Leadership & Self-deception by The Arbinger Institute.
I highly recommend both books for everyone and anyone. I am sure that if I was taught this in high school I would be a much better, healthier and happier person today 🙂
If you had to think about the time you spent dealing with things when they go wrong versus the time you spent helping things go right – what would that ratio be? The essence of the book is that we should spend the vast majority of our time Helping things go right. They illustrate this with a triangle:
When you see someone as a person – they are equal to you in ALL ways. Their hopes, needs, cares and fears are as real and as important as your own. If you are able to do this – then your heart is at peace.
The flip side is when you see someone as a problem to be solved. Irrelevant, inferior, an obstacle, someone whose opinion is not quite that important. This is when your heart is at war.
Eventually – after many little yet very important realisations the pyramid gets more detail…
What did I learn?
When I have a desire or sense – honour it.
If I find myself justifying – look back to identify the sense/desire I ignored and correct it.
Notice when I am in a “better than..”, “I deserve..”, “Must be seen as..” or “Worse than..” box, look at the situation from out of the box and ACT.
I hope this post inspires you to read these books and that they influence you as much as they have me 🙂